What a difference a few days can make.

Wow, my husband took the boys out yesterday, and they spent today at a friend’s house, and while they were gone, I cleaned. I just had baby girl, so had a lot of time to clean up. I should have taken before pictures of the playroom, I pulled out a kitchen trash bag worth of garbage, and piled the toys up, and having little guy make his bed, made a huge difference too.

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There is still lots to do, like my clutter catcher desk.

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I’ve made good progress on my sweater too, not all in the last two days, but I want to share, and I’ll have time to work on it, after supper. Here is baby girl trying it on, a week or so ago,

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And here it is today, I have a few rows left on the button band, and the sleeves to do.

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No motivation

I am fighting a lack of motivation, right now, I don’t really want to do anything, when I do things I feel proud of myself, and energized, but getting up, and moving has been very difficult. What I’m actually fighting is probably a bit of depression and a bit of burnout. They kind of go hand in hand for me, I try to fight off an impending wave of depression by working my butt off, only to burn out in a day or two, and crash hard, at that point, I either laze around for days, or I pull myself up by my boot straps, and fight again. I had five days off, and did absolutely nothing for four of them, then on Wednesday I got a call for help from my friend, which suddenly motivated me, and I worked my butt off. Yesterday I went back to work, in the morning, I had to fight myself to get just a few things done, and really wasn’t motivated to go to work either. Once at work, I took the easy way out, and did the simplest jobs to keep me busy, I did my job, but not up to my usual standards, and I was completely distracted. I really desperately need to do better today, this morning is a bit of a bust, the things I’m proud of? Getting my kids and I fed, and dressed in clean clothes, that’s it. I sat for an hr on the deck and knit one row on the toddler sweater I’m working on, and read two blog posts, I don’t know where the rest of the time went.
Well I’ve got 10 minutes to do something before I have to make lunch and get ready for work, my day-home provider invited us to come a little early, and have a tea party. Dh is working late tonight, so I’m bringing one of my heat and eat meals, that DH was supposed to feed the kids tonight, for her to add to their supper, they have been eating there a lot, I guess. I work till nine, and DH has a lot of late nights, so if the kids are there at supper time still, she feeds them. This is why we can’t use daycare

In this house

I found a song that always makes me want to cry, In this House by the Stellas. If you have never heard the song, you should, her voice is absolutely amazing.
The main part of the song that makes my eyes water, is, “I make room in my bed, even though you’re not there, when I’m sitting a the table, no one sits in your chair, I wait every morning for your footsteps on the stairs, but you’re gone.”
It makes me sad for two reasons, the first is, the thought that I know I would do that, if anything ever happened to DH. The second reason is, in a lot of ways, a lot of those things happen on a regular basis, he’s not there as much as I would like, when I make supper, I don’t wait for him, the kids and I eat without him, because he rarely comes in when I tell him to, sometimes it’s hours. Since I make him breakfast every day, I’m waiting for him, to come eat, while he takes his time getting ready for the day.

Birth Control and Birth

This post isn’t my usual style, if you are squeamish, or just don’t like this stuff, I’m sorry, maybe you shouldn’t read this today, I’ll bring a yummy recipe tomorrow, to make up for it, ok.

I thought Dh and I were done having kids, but last night, DH asked me about using an alternative form of birth control, as he doesn’t like my IUD. I personally really like it, I don’t have to think about it, and it gives me less periods, win win for me, but apparently he can feel it. So I suggested he get a vasectomy, he talked about it, the entire time I was pregnant with baby girl, but I decided that the IUD would give us a few years to be sure. When I mentioned the vasectomy last night, his first question was, “it’s reversible, right?” I ask him why he is worried about that, and he says, “in case we change our minds.” so apparently he’s not as sure about being done as I thought, and to be honest, I’m not so sure anymore that I’m ready to make a final decision on that either.
Now I am sent on a quest, a quest for a different form of birth control, little man, our second, is proof that I won’t take the pill reliably, and after he was born I went on the shot, which after 8 months, I bled for a month straight, and after that, it took another 18 months to get pregnant with baby girl.

I love being pregnant, and even giving birth, I know, most people don’t believe it, but the only experience I didn’t like of my three, was with my first. With him, my water broke 4 hrs before I went into labour, and I was totally stressed about it, and unprepared. With little man, I was no better prepared, but some calm came over me, on the hour long drive from my mother-in-law’s house, and with baby girl, I was prepared, and it was as good as it gets, considering everything that birth is, and I cried when she was born.

My container garden

So I am completely excited today, with my tomato plants, I have two, the one I bought first, was a nice bushy seedling, a patio variety, that I planted in a pot, on my deck, it has done fairly well, and today I noticed it’s first flowers are beginning to open.

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The second tomato plant was quite different, it was the last one left, when I went back, after finding a topsy turvy at liquidation world for $2. I was not sure it would survive, all it’s 4 leaves had a hint of brown on them, and well, you know how neglected the plants are at grocery stores, it wasn’t all that surprising. But for $1 I took that sad little plant home, and lovingly planted it with my $15 bag of potting soil, because that is what I had at the house, well, it survived, it has even flowered, I count 5 sets of flowers, 4 of which haven’t opened up yet. In fact, I think we call this flourishing.

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The before shot, rather sad and lonely looking, don’t you think?
And my pepper plant, it started off very well, I have 15 peppers, I don’t know what is happening now, the larger ones are about the size of my 2 year olds fist, and appear to have stopped growing, and now it’s dropping some of it’s flowers. There could be a few reasons for this, I tried giving it a shot of fertilizer, because my tomato plants weren’t ready for more, then a week later, they started flowering, and I forgot I had given the pepper plant some already, so I mixed it in the watering jug. When it was new.

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And now.

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And the last thing I am growing, is lettuce, which I dug out of the neighbors garden last week, and put in a pot, my garden, it’s it wonderful, I go out every morning to look at all my plants, and enjoy some quiet time.

The downside of being in charge of the finances, and other things.

I love being in charge of the family money, it keeps my inner control freak at bay, besides that DH is even worse at it than I am. The other night though, I found the down side, DH has to ask me for permission to spend money, and of course if he needs to save for something, he needs to ask me to do it. So laying in bed the other night, he asks how much money we have in savings, well, I tell him, then ask why, he doesn’t say, just tells me he’s planning something, I ask him how much I need to save for it, and he tells me, so now I know from the hints he’s dropped he is planning a trip, that will cost 400-500 dollars, and is more than 6 weeks away.

I have had a few successes recently, including one rather silly one, while mopping the floor at work last night, I noticed one of the stains that has been there for much longer than I have is finally starting to fade, yay. Also, I have made the charts for my first ever knitting design on the computer, I have the excel file, and PDF file saved in my email, yahoo. Also, I have the whole pattern written up, I am knitting a sample, to make sure it all works, then, it will be off for editing, and test knitting. About a week before release I will put the pattern page on Ravelry, it will need to be connected to my profile, then, when I release it, there will be a FREE discount code good for a week posted here. And then 20% off posted for the rest of the month.
Here is a picture of my sample in progress, including my WWKIPD knitting.

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Today is world wide knit in public day, and I have to work, once again, I have only been off once since I found out about it, and then I had a 10 month old, and no child care, so I have not made it to a single event for WWKIPD. Today I was hoping to leave early for work, and knit in front of the building, or in the library, until I had to go to work, but my husband had some running around to do, so alas, my knitting in public has been done, on my deck. Have a happy day.

What a day

Today was one of those days, you know the kind that starts out pretty decent, until one thing goes wrong, then all the poop hits the fan.
The morning was great, I got to hang out with my very clingy baby girl, but didn’t mind not getting much done, because I knew I had to work this evening, and I have been missing my kids like crazy lately. I also got to have coffee with one of the neighbors this morning, when she showed up at my door with her coffee mug, actually her and her daughter, L, were waiting on the front step when I came back from dropping off little man at play school.

The afternoon also started pretty well, when I arrived at work, I discovered that they had used styrofoam plates for lunch, as there was only hot water for the kitchen, this meant less dishes for me to put away, and more time to bake, which I love.
Here starts problem one: I went into the walk-in cooler, to get the margarine, and thought, wow, the kitchen must be cold today, as the cooler feels quite warm. Fast forward to my date squares in the oven, and I’m starting on some cookies, I am rather warm at this point, having been standing in front of the stove, I open the cooler, expecting a refreshing blast of cool air, only to be blasted in the face with hot air, the cooler is not working, thankfully, F, the happy one is working this week, and deals with our problem quickly.

#2: A short time later, our meat order arrives, it has become part of my job, when I work Wednesdays, which I don’t often enjoy, the freezer is very disorganized and if I catch the wrong maintenance man, J, he always complains about putting the order away, (remember I’m doing this most often now, usually with him, but I don’t ask unless I really need help) I cannot find the box cutter, but spot F nearby, and he was likely the last to use it, so I walk up to ask where it is, only to find, J is right there as well. Grump Grump Grump, and he won’t leave, even though I tell him I’ve got it under control.

#3: Just before supper, we are told our water is going to be shut off for an hr, so I rush to fill our pots, only for him to turn off the water late, and back on even later, leaving us well behind on our supper dishes, cups and silverware only, but still.

Rather amusing #4: around 7, just before we finish dishes, I comment to my coworker, that they must have moved our floor cleaner into the new storage room, near the kitchen, as I could see the plumber in there, and our mop pail was right there, we both smile, as it means not having to trek to the other end of the building for our mop pail, and water. So an hr later, the plumber has left, and I go to find my mop pail, only… It’s gone, along with the mop for the dining room, after spending 20 precious minutes looking for our pail, we steal one from another department, to get our job done, as well as we can.

#5: DH texts me, to let me know he will be late, the work truck broke down, it will be 1-130am before he gets home, as they were on a job in another town.

The good news, DH and his coworkers got paid to hike to the lake, and hang out waiting to be picked up, and watching the sun set over the water, he sent me a video, it really was pretty.

And, despite being behind at work, today, I have gotten a good start on my designing this week, I am almost up to the underarms.